To all of y’all beautiful and amazing moms out there:
Happy Mother’s Day!
I will admit though, that this year I dread this day so much.
My husband and son keep asking me about my wish-list for Mother’s day. But it is really hard to explain that all I really want is to be left alone. I feel like I should have Mommy-and-Elijah time all day this Sunday, watch a movie, have some ice-cream, go to the park and just be silly!
Something along these lines will probably happen, but all I really want is to be left alone.
This day is supposed to be a celebration for ME! I can’t celebrate myself this year.
I dread Mother’s Day this year!
Last October I had a miscarriage.
I could have never imagined how much this loss truly affected me.
I’ve always dreamed of having a big family. My husband and I talked about it before we got married and even after Elijah was born, I expressed how much I would like to have a big family.
For years we were caught in the limbo of finding treatment for my husband, him receiving his VA benefits, etc. So, financially we weren’t in the best spot and weren’t stable! Of course, we chose to make sure that we didn’t have any “accidents,” and planned future pregnancies for a time when we were more stable.
Well, 7 years passed and we finally won the fight with the VA. We were in a good place. And to our surprise, we ended up with a positive test.
I was planning on going to school and during that time I was supposed to be able to take it easy and enjoy my pregnancy!
Then I had a miscarriage.
My whole world crumbled. It all fell apart on me.
These last couple of days have been extremely stressful for me. My due date was May 13th. But since I opted for a C-Section for health and safety reasons, I would have given birth to our baby on May 6th. This means I would’ve celebrated this day with my amazing son and a beautiful baby!
Eli would have had a sibling!
They would’ve given me the most joyous and beautiful gift a mother can receive: their love!
I dread this day.
I don’t want anything and I am not sure how to tell my husband and son.
I dread this day.
I just want to be left alone- I think.
Disclosure: Everything I share is solely based on my personal experience and is for informational purposes only. Some posts may contain affiliate links. For more details please view my disclosure policy.