I dread Mother’s Day

Mothers day

To all of y’all beautiful and amazing moms out there:

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

I will admit though, that this year I dread this day so much. My husband and son keep asking me what I want for Mother’s day. It is really hard for me to explain to them that all I really want is to be left alone. I feel as though I should be Supermom, go out and have all kinds of fun my wonderful son; just enjoy his company. I feel as though I should have Mommy-and-Elijah time all day this Sunday, go fetch a movie, have some ice-cream, go to the park and just be silly! Which is probably what is going to happen to some degree 🙂

But I just want to be left alone! This day is supposed to be a celebration for ME! I can’t celebrate myself this year.

I dread Mother’s Day this year!

Last October I had a miscarriage. It affected me quite a bit and I would’ve never imagined just how much it really would.

I’ve always dreamed of having a big family. My husband and I talked about it before we got married and even after Elijah was born, I expressed how much I would like to have a big family. After Elijah was born, he wasn’t too fond of the idea; but we were also hurting financially and weren’t stable at all! So of course, we chose to make sure that we didn’t have any “accidents” and would plan any future pregnancies for a time when we were more stable and could provide a good home for our kids. Well, 7 years passed and we finally won the fight with the VA (at least for another 5 years before my husband gets re-evaluated for his conditions). We were in a good place. I was planning on going to school and during that time I was supposed to be able to take it easy and enjoy my pregnancy!

Then I had a miscarriage.

My whole world crumbled. It all fell apart on me.

These last couple of days have been extremely stressful for me. My due date was May 13th, but since I opted for a C-Section for health and safety reasons, I would have given birth to our baby on May 6th; which means I would’ve been celebrating this day with my amazing son and a beautiful baby! My son would have had a sibling! They would’ve given me the most joyous and beautiful gift a mother can receive: their love!

I dread this day.

I don’t want anything and I am not sure how to tell my husband and son.

I dread this day.

I just want to be left alone- I think.


Disclosure: Everything I share is solely based on my personal experience and is for informational purposes only. Some posts may contain affiliate links. For more details please view my disclosure policy.


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